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i wouldn't like me if i met me.

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Jan. 20th, 2010 | 09:41 pm

Mid-January already. School is kicking my ass. I'm so exhausted when I get home every night that i just want to recluse and never leave my house. thankfully i have the barn which is really the only thing that motivates me to leave the comfort of my home. i did work tonight for the first time in a couple weeks and it was actually nice to be with kids again. it is strange that i would call a youth 9 years my junior, but they really are. i can't believe how long ago that feels, but i still remember being that naive.
Going to work at HH this weekend and i am looking forward to that as well. on the plus side, i really need the money too so i am glad i picked up about 30 hours this month and next. won't even make a dent in my bill, but such is life?
also realized, now that it is getting this close to graduation, that i really do not want to work and get into the "real world". thinking more and more about simply living at home (or rent free?) and working at vickies perhaps 4 days a week. i really enjoy it and it would allow me to keep a horse indoors and continue training. rory is doing extremely well and it would appear that we are both enjoying our rides much more than before the new year. Of course, this means keeping him. This is such a hard choice and i am actually repressing the feeling and numbing it at the moment. i know i'm jumping ahead because she hasn't tried him yet, she hasn't said anything about putting money down, and finally he hasn't even passed a vet check. but on the other hand, what can i do but think of the worst. Breeding is not for the faint of heart. I love them all that the thought that i can't see them is terifying me.
but, i do feel comforted and i do feel supported. i just need to learn to be more rational, slash, realistic. would this make you happy, my unhappiness?
alas, real life approaches. and we're both scared. we all have to grow up.

Don't say that Wendy.

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