Comfort me with Cabernet

I work in a VERY busy store in the middle of a tourist town. I was ringing up this group of golfers and I heard one of them say to his friend, sotto voice, "I'm gonna ask her to go get me two bags of ice." I had a line of people behind them, and the ice was all the way on the other side of the store, in the freezer. There was NOTHING wrong with the man, he was just trying to be a smartass in front of his friends. So when he asked me, I was irritated enough at that point to simply look at him and say, "I don't fetch, sorry."

It was one of those things that slipped off my tongue before I could bite it. I do have a snarky, sarcastic personality, but for the most part I am able to keep that part of myself away from the general public and put on a professional, breezy front. But that guy just irked the hell out of me.

Thankfully, everyone thought it was funny (except the guy, I guess, since his group burst out laughing at his expense), including my manager, so I was able to get away with it without a write up for...um...bad customer service? Yeah.

Dear Lady,

I'm sorry, but I hadn't the foggiest what you meant by "pedal pushers". There was no need for you to get angry at me or one of the managers when we both looked confused. Especially when you gave an angry, "WELL, FINE!" when we finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel thanks to one of my older co-wokers and said manager offered to show you where the capri pants were, which were on discount/clearance. Be thankful you're getting them cheap.

A little description of what you meant would've worked too if you didn't know what we call them nowadays, but you were so busy getting worked up at us youngings for not reading your mind that there really wasn't much we could do.

Sorry,

Your Local Retail Worker

PS. I'm kinda glad that you didn't call them "clam diggers" or "knickerbockers" (if for the latter you were shopping for your husband - thank you, Wikipedia), because I probably would've sent you to the Home Department or even Men's.

------

Dear Kids,

Our escalators are NOT an amusement park ride. If I tell you politely not to play on them when I catch you, don't test the waters to see my reaction by doing the exact same thing with a "whatcha gonna do to me, huh?" look. By the same token, I do not appreciate your parents getting on my case after I do you to stop (and parents, no, They aren't "allowed to be kids" by playing on something that could potentially catch their clothes or even bust their skulls open if they fall. There's a play area outside the store). This is because if, Heaven forbid, you do get hurt on those things, then the words "I'LL SUE!!!" will be screamed across the store. We are not your babysitters.

No Love,

"The Big Meanie"

Every so often, a large group of our state's National Guard members will book around half of the rooms we have at our hotel, and then put 1-4 people in each of these 50 rooms. Not a big deal; we love to have them here and it's fun to see them going in and out in their uniforms. But a lot of the guys apparently only see each other during these gatherings, and celebrate a little more than they might normally...

I'm minding my own business, tending to my duties, when Dee from the front comes back and says there's a someone interested in adopting Mona, one of our pit bulls. "Great," I say. "I'll be right out." I tie up a leash to Mona who promptly puts on her game face and does her best "I'm cute, take me home" prance and dog smile. Out to the front we go.

( I hope all of your dogs die! )

What a day. Poor Mona. I'd post her picture, but I don't want to give away where I work :-P

[I work at a grocery store]

So last week a coworker/friend and I were going to go and take our break together. We went up to the checkout line to buy some stuff to eat. There was an older lady in front of us who was just finishing checking out. Her total was like $8.XX. She handed the cashier a $10 bill and got her change. About 5 seconds later, she starts yelling about how the cashier ripped her off and that she gave her a $20 bill. She made such a scene and kept insisting they count the till. So they called the MOD up and they counted the till. It was right all the way down to the last penny. The lady then accused them of not counting it right and made them count it again. And again, it was right. They tried looking at the videotape, but it wasn't good enough to actually tell. The lady keeps complaining and saying that none of us know how to do our job, etc. Eventually my manager gave in and ended up giving the lady $10 just to stop her from making a big scene. It irks me when people are wrong and yet they still get their way.

And as a little add in (which might be a little OT) ... I was leaving work yesterday and this lady had a shirt that said "World's Best Customer" ... I found it ironically funny.

How old are you exactly sir? I know it falls in the old enough to know better range. So I really shouldn't have to tell you not to handle the antique camera I have sitting on the counter. It's without a doubt older than the two of us. I'm not a bitch for not wanting you to break it by turning it upside down and poking at the bulb. The things flash still works and we still have flash bulbs to put in it. I've hung a sign now, but I'm sure it won't work.

Lady from yesterday, please STFO (stay the fuck out). I'm here everyday except Fridays until 5 pm. Usually around three I'm the only one left down stairs. Thus I am the only one that's left to answer the phones. If you do call around 4:30 and I'm on with a customer already I can't very well pick up the ringing line. So I let the answering service snag it. If the person doesn't leave voice mail, it eventually rings back to me. Please to not be implying I ignore the phone or leave the office early. I can't leave until my boyfriend next door leaves because we carpool. I guess she's known for being a bitch around here.
But here's the kicker. I was talking to the Ad rep supervisor this morning and she said the same woman followed her around the store harassing her about various things. Such as why the hell we let the head of production go on vacation this week, of all weeks when the precious home guide thing was being done. Probably cause she had the time owed to her and has a family she would like to spend time with?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have Angst.

A certain national equestrian magazine asked me to work with them on a story on the goofy shallow loop in Training Level, test 4. Sweet! So I do my interview, have a great time, and then we talk about the photo shoot. The photographer will get in touch with me to set something up. This was about 2 weeks ago.

So, a few days ago, I get the email - let's do something the week of the 28th. No can do, I say, I'm out of town that week. I'm thinking, great. I've got an extra week to drop those last five pounds I've been not trying hard enough to lose. I'll go shopping for a nice outfit. I'll trim Midgey's spiffy white socks. I'll do SOMETHING with my hair.

Naturally, the photographer is coming TOMORROW.

And it's not just any photographer - it's Charles Mann, one of the foremost equine photographers on the PLANET.

Oh. My. God.

I am covered in acne, I can't lay off the carbs, and I own absolutely NOTHING remotely suitable. My hair is yellow. Midge looks like a wooly mammoth. And don't even get me STARTED on Visible Underwear Lines!

The kicker is, naturally, that the first photo Charlie would like to work on is my headshot, before I put my helmet on. HEAD SHOT?! Like, what Patrick Dempsey and Julia Roberts and all the pretty people do for a living? At 10 am. SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL.

So, I scrambled to the tack shop and bought some new breeches, which all make me look like a beached whale, but whatev. Boots are shiny. Midge got attacked by the Clipper Monster. I'm going to ride 3 horses and then FLY into the shower tomorrow morning, dust off my blow dryer, and hope for the best before Charlie shows up at 10. What if he thinks I'm the worst rider ever? What if Midge is a naughty Dutch shit? What if I look like a big fat acne-ridden DISASTER in a national publication of prominance? Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

Oh God!

A few days ago a customer came in to do a return on an item that once opened, it can only be exchanged for one of exact or greater cost. The lady indicated she understood. So I work away, finishing up the other orders in line when the lady returns carrying two different boxes. When its her turn, I ask her which one she wants. She wants a price check. There is like a 20 cent difference in the two. They cost $15 more than the item she's returning. She's completely fine with the price difference. However she can't make up her mind which one she wants. She hems and hews and asks me to compare and contrast the differences in the two for her. I do so. Then she asks the question that should have notified me of the trap:

"Which one do you see returned?"

( Read more... )ARGH. ARGH. So yeah, thanks bitch. The new ass. manager who has only been here a month, yells at me because YOU lied.

I was pretty miserable for the rest of my shift.

The latest intake from the SF flock is named Clipper. She came in with a compound fracture of the wing that was at least a few days old since the bone was infected. The vet had to remove part of her elbow, so it may fuse.

The vet bill for her is going to be HUGE (probably well over $1,000) and Mickaboo is really struggling financially right now - if any of you would like to be part of her group of "angels" please email angels@mickaboo.org (with "Angel for Clipper" in the subject line) to offer a donation to help.

Any amount, no matter how small, would be very much appreciated - and your name (of if you prefer, the name of someone you're donating in honour/memory of) will be added to the Angels page on Mickaboo's site.

Thanks to anyone who can help out!

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Edith_Wharton

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/31693.html

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Celia_Thaxter

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/30981.html

"There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart."

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Brenda_Ueland

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/27098.html

"So you see, imagination needs moodling - long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering."

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/David_Frost

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/1547.html

"[The television is] an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home."

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Senator_Dianne_Feinstein

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/39193.html

"Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it."

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Robert_Half

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/27647.html

"What happens when the future has come and gone?"

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Katharine_Hepburn

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/23737.html

"Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four."

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Arlo_Guthrie

http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/520.html

"You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in."

Are any of you having trouble hiring new people? We just called 15 in to hire them, next step drug test. Guess what 6 did not pass it, 4 did not take it, and 2 refused the job that was offered them. We did get 3 out of 15. We are a small town. No one is willing to work for the wages they start them at. We have 2 casinos in our town. They start even the cleaning crew at more than twice what Wal-Mart starts cashiers at. Even Lowe's starts them at a dollar an hour more. They finally give permission to hire more people (we have had a lot quit over the last 2 years and couldn't replace them) and what happens - no one can find anyone to work.

So this one was kind of fun. Major chain bookstore kind of fun.

( Yay loopholes. )